


Deadpool and Loki OTP Prompt Fills

by Lokincest



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Fluff, Gen, Lokipool, M/M, Songfic, Wade embarrassing Loki and annoying the hell out of the Avengers team
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-25 12:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3809599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokincest/pseuds/Lokincest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Somehow, Wade had managed to disable the Iron Man armor using nothing but a jar of peanut butter, and that alone amused Loki enough that when they got home he planned to keep Wade in bed for a whole week.</p><p>- - -<br/>Several Loki/Wade fills based on <a href="http://guarneretoye.tumblr.com/post/94983524637/you-could-be-sad-about-your-otp-but-consider-one">this</a> list</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pancakes

**1. _one making awful breakfast for the other and the other eating it because they appreciate it that much_**

Loki wanted it to be a surprise, but he's only started pouring the batter into a sizzling pan when Wade pads barefoot into the kitchen, wearing only a t-shirt and boxers, still rubbing his eyes. Normally a sleepy Wade would be an endearing sight, but today Loki just wants to sigh. He could bring an elephant into the apartment and Wade would be completely oblivious, but the moment he tries to keep something a secret it's like the mercenary has extra sensory powers.

"You're making pancakes?" Wade questions, his voice small, and for a second Loki wonders if he's mad. Wade is, after all, the self-acclaimed 'pancake master'. 

Loki's plan was to wake Wade up with a warm plate piled almost comically high with a stack of pancakes. It was the same thing Wade had done for him several weeks ago. And even though they'd been left with several thousand leftover flapjacks, and Loki had consequently forbidden Wade from buying pancake mix without permission, he had enjoyed the gesture, and the breakfast. Wade truly was a master of pancake making. And even though Loki had lost his temper _just_ a little when he realized how much Wade had actually made, they'd had fun later, hiding the excess flapjacks throughout the Avengers tower. To this day, Thor's underwear drawer still smells of maple syrup.

"I was in the mood for it," Loki says, too proud to admit any sentiment.

"Ohhh, I love you," Wade groans, and Loki grins.

A second later, Wade's fingers are in the pancake batter.

"Hey!" Loki yells, smacking him across the shoulder, but Wade is already licking his fingers and grimacing. "You aren't supposed to eat it raw," he scolds, rolling his eyes.

"This isn't the box stuff," Wade says.

"No, I had to make it from scratch."

"I could've gone to the store for the box stuff if I knew you wanted pancakes."

"You can't be trusted with the box stuff – you make the whole thing all at once," Loki reminds him. "Go watch TV, I don't need you sticking your fingers in everything."

"But you liked that last night," Wade teases, and laughs when Loki punches him again.

"Get out," Loki swats him again and shoos him away until Wade finally leaves.

The first few burn, and Loki has to scrape the pan and try again, but quickly enough he has almost a dozen golden-brown cakes stacked onto a plate. They're slightly misshapen, much to his disappointment. Wade made it look so easy. But otherwise, they feel soft and they smell delicious, and he's certain that Wade won't care whether or not they're flawless.

The mercenary is busy yelling at the TV when Loki brings him his plate. The stack is drenched in syrup the way he likes them, and also topped with whipped cream, pats of butter, and a few berries for aesthetic purposes. But from the start, it wasn't perfect, and now the cakes are starting to slide sideways, and the cream is oozing off the stack entirely on one side. It looks like a sad, failed attempt at recreating pictures of food from a recipe magazine – and in a way, it is – but when Wade sees it, he goes quiet and sits up straight, his eyes huge.

"Thank you," Wade says, strangely serious. "Do you wanna... watch TV with me?" On the screen, there are colorful cartoon animals singing. "You can eat half of my pancakes. Okay... a fourth of them. I'll let you have a few bites. That's my final offer. No promises."

Loki can't help but laugh. "Don't worry about your pancakes, I have my own."

"Oh, thank god," Wade sighs and then digs into the stack and starts shoveling huge mouthfuls of pancake and melted whipped cream into his mouth while Loki goes to retrieve his own plate from the kitchen counter.

"How is it?" Loki questions when he comes back, waiting a moment for Wade to move his feet off the couch so he can sit.

"Um... really good," Wade says. He shoves another forkful of food into his mouth. "You should be a chef," he praises, through a mouthful of pancake.

"Glad to hear it," Loki grins, pleased. But as soon as he takes a bite, the moment of pleasure disappears. He can't even swallow the salty, bitter mixture – instead he spits it back onto his plate while Wade stares at him. "This is disgusting."

"It's not that bad," Wade shrugs, and takes another bite.

"I don't understand. I followed the recipe exactly! It's not like it was _complicated_. All it asked for was flour, baking powder-"

"What kind of flour did you buy?" Wade interrupts, as if curious, and Loki sighs with frustration.

"I didn't have to buy flour, we had some."

"That container in the kitchen?"

Loki can't help rolling his eyes. "The one that _says_ 'flour' on it, yes."

"Yeah, I know that container in the kitchen says 'flour' but that's not what it is," Wade says, looking sheepish. Loki gives him an are-you-kidding-me look, but instead of saying anything, Wade just takes another bite and resumes watching his cartoons.

Loki stares at him in disbelief, still waiting for an explanation. "What in Hel _is_ it then?" he finally snaps.

"The container?" Wade asks, scraping his fork against the plate and then bringing it to his lips to lick off excessive amounts of syrup. "Well, there _was_ flour in it at one point. I think. But the last time I filled it was like six months ago and I think I put medicated foot powder in it."

Loki stares at Wade, aghast. "What?"

"I never used the thing anyway, I just wanted it filled with something," Wade shrugs, and then, to Loki's horror, takes another bite.

"Don't eat it!" Loki yells, setting his own plate on the coffee table and then leaning over to take Wade's as well. "I can't believe you kept eating it! Are you stupid?"

"It's not _that_ bad," Wade says, shrugging again. "Not with all that syrup, anyway."

"You just said it was made out of foot powder," Loki reminds him. "And even if it's not, it sure as Hel tastes like it was."

"I used to eat cat food straight out of the can, I'm really not complaining," Wade says. "Besides, I know you worked hard making it. And I'm hungry, so I don't care."

"Well, I care," Loki says, taking their plates and getting up with a huff. "I don't want you getting sick."

Loki scrapes the plates off into the trash, and then dumps out the questionable flour container into the trash... and on second thought, for good measure, throws the entire thing away.

When he comes back to the living room, Wade is looking withdrawn and sulky, as if he were the one who did something wrong. Loki sighs softly and joins him again, but this time instead of sitting next to Wade, he puts his knee on the cushion and straddles Wade's lap.

Wade looks surprised, his chest hitching up while Loki settles on top of him. Neither one of them are paying any attention to the television, but Loki still grabs the remote and turns it off. He wants Wade's full attention on him.

"I'm sorry," Loki says, leaning forward and brushing his lips against the sensitive skin of Wade's throat for a moment before finally closing in on one spot, biting gently and then placing a kiss. The treatment makes Wade tremble underneath him, hypersensitive as ever. "Let me make it up to you."

"Are we gonna have sex now?" Wade asks.

"Better than that," Loki says. "What's something you've always wanted that I never let you do?" He taps his finger against Wade's bottom lip while he lets the mercenary think about it.

Wade's eyes go wide when he realizes.

"Tacos for breakfast?"

Loki nods, a faint smile on his lips. "Go get dressed," he says, and wisely moves to the side. 

Wade is off like a shot, yelling to himself about tacos and how much he loves Loki. He'll love him a little less when, after their breakfast, Loki drags him off to the supermarket to buy some actual _edible_ food for the kitchen, but they'll deal with that later.


	2. Peanut Butter

**2. _one putting their ridiculous music on in the car and singing along while the other sits in the passenger seat with their head in their hands_**

"Hey! Iron Monkey!" Wade shouted, kicking his booted feet against the wall of the quinjet, because his hands were currently cuffed behind his back. Loki was in a similar situation, although he was sitting quietly on the other side of the plane, pretending he wasn't affiliated with Wade, aside from the two of them _occasionally_ working together. Inwardly, he was cursing his brother for helping Stark to create magic-dampening cuffs in the first place. He really hadn't planned on playing games with the Avengers today. Today was supposed to be his day _off._

Wade quickly found a way to make the most noise possible, shouting and stamping his feet against a hollow spot of metal that reverberated loudly around the entire plane. The sound made Loki want to cringe, but he kept himself composed, watching with pleasure while the Avengers were quickly pushed past their limits. Wade's incredible ability to drive people up a wall wasn't why Loki kept Wade around in the first place, but it was definitely a perk.

Tony Stark finally came over, displeasure written across his face. It was obvious that he was ready to jump out of the plane just to get away from Wade – if only he had a functional suit of armor at hand. Somehow, Wade had managed to disable the Iron Man armor using nothing but a jar of peanut butter, and that alone amused Loki enough that when they got home he planned to keep Wade in bed for a whole week. _After_ he shoved Wade into a bath, anyway, because the peanut butter attack was dirty warfare and Wade had sacrificed himself to carry it out. They'd still lost in the end, but hearing Tony yelling about how peanut butter had gotten _inside_ the suit was worth it. The rest of the team had laughed and made Tony put the cuffs on Wade, seeing how he was already covered in the stuff himself.

"What do you want?" Tony asked, glaring at the sticky prisoner.

"A Big Mac, with a _bucket_ of fries, por favor. And hurry up about it, I'm hungry. ¡Ándale! ¡Rápido!" Wade barked, clearly intent on harassing Tony.

"If you were hungry, you should've eaten that jar of peanut butter instead of... Why did you even _have_ a jar of peanut butter?! Who carries around peanut butter?!"

"Sorry, big guy, there isn't a drive-through up here," Natasha called from the pilot's seat, laughing.

"Are you _kidding_ me? A fly-through would be the next level of fast food! You should make one, Stark. No, wait, don't! That's my idea! If you steal my idea I'll sue the pants off of you. Literally, part of our settlement agreement will be that you must remove the pants you're currently wearing and hand them over to me, along with _beaucoup_ dinero."

Tony didn't dignify that with a response, but turned to Loki, flustered. "Whatever you're paying this idiot is too much."

Loki smirked at him. "It's worth every penny from where I'm sitting."

"From where you're sitting is a one-way trip to prison, pal," Steve snorted, standing to one side of the plane.

"From where I'm sitting, my butt kinda itches," Wade interrupted, scooting against his seat. "I think it's the peanut butter." Loki wanted to bury his face in his hands in mortification but he resisted the urge.

"Can somebody lend me a hand? Serious," Wade said, lifting his hips as much as possible, his cuffed hands pushing down on the hard seat behind him. "Tony, help me out here."

"No way."

" _Oka-y_ ," Wade said, as if he were caving in to something. "I'll let you cop a quick feel, but no funny business!"

Tony turned and walked away, patting Steve on the shoulder as he went by. "All yours, buddy."

"Nope," Steve shook his head, but kept watching Wade wriggle around with some sort of morbid curiosity. "Where did you even get a jar of peanut butter?"

"Pockets," Wade intoned, nodding sagely to himself. "Lots and lots of pockets. Hey, Cap, listen can I get your autograph? I don't have any paper but if you could sign my mask-"

Steve scoffed softly, more out of disbelief than anything, and walked back towards the front of the plane.

"Maybe later then?" Wade called after him. "Hey! Can you guys put on the radio?"

"We could, but we won't," Natasha replied.

"Anybody have an iPod with some Rihanna in it, then? No? I've had one of her songs stuck in my head for 78 hours, non stop. My little yellow boxes are full and I'm going nuts. You know the one? The one where she's like 'Na na, na na!'" Wade said, tonelessly.

"I'm pretty sure that's _every_ Rhianna song," Tony replied.

"You _DO_ know the one!" Wade shouted, perking up in his seat.

"Oh no," Loki groaned, earning a worried glance from both Tony and Steve.

"How does it go? It goes like... _I want you to take me_..." Wade started dancing awkwardly in his seat. " _Like a thief in the night! Hold me like a pillow... Make me feel right!_ "

"Please stop, yes, I know that song, everybody knows that song," Tony said, but Wade was already on a roll now and couldn't be stopped.

" _Baby, I'll tell you all my secrets that I'm keeping, you can come inside! Yeah!_ " Wade sang, shimmying in his seat. " _And when you enter, you ain't leaving, be my prisoner for the night! Ohh~!_ You guys ready for the chorus?"

"Stop it, or I'm going to punch you in the face," Steve warned him.

"Here we go! _WANT YOU TO MAKE ME FEEL! LIKE I'M THE ONLY GIRL IN THE WORLD! LIKE I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT YOU'LL EVER LO-OVE!_ "

Steve was in front of Wade in an instant, but before he could raise his hand to hit or even threaten him again, Wade had lifted his legs and locked them around Steve, catching his upper arms and temporarily incapacitating him.

"Oh, Cap!" Wade cooed while Steve struggled with him. "I knew you felt the same! Take me now, you big stud!" he purred, rolling his hips against him before Steve managed to break his hold, letting Wade fall onto the ground. "Oof! Does this mean you're breaking up with me? Well, fine! But just so you know, I faked it with you every time," he continued, while Natasha choked with laughter from the pilot's seat.

Steve shook himself and left Wade lying on the floor, singing, " _We are never, ever, ever getting back together!_ "

"'Take me now, you big stud,'" Tony whispered to Steve, he and Natasha both giggling uncontrollably. "Is that _peanut butter?_ "

While the three had their backs turned for an instant, Wade pushed off the floor, rocking onto his back and lifting his legs so he could slip his cuffed hands from behind his back to the front of his body. He popped to his feet, quietly, already fiddling with a key to unlock his cuffs. As soon as the cuffs unlatched, he palmed them so as not to let them hit the floor and then went to unlock Loki, who leaned forward so Wade could reach his restraints.

"I've got the _weirdest_ rash on my nuggets," Wade said conversationally while he struggled to get the key to line up. It was meant to keep the trio of Avengers from looking their way, but instead all three of them were suddenly staring at them, and Loki was sniggering helplessly. "Don't laugh, asshole," he frowned, giving up on the lock but leaving the key in Loki's hand.

"I don't suppose you'd finally believe me when I say that we didn't do whatever it is you think we did," Loki said, keeping himself perfectly still while he fiddled with the key behind his back.

"Not a chance," Steve said.

"Fair enough," Loki shrugged. "But for the record, it wasn't us."

"Alright, listen," Wade said, stepping towards the Avengers with his hands out in a placating way. "Considering the fact that we just broke up and I just said that thing about my nuggets, would this be a bad time to suggest a foursome?"

"Yeah, probably," Steve said, not without some humor.

"There's five of us here, so technically speaking it'd be an orgy," Tony Stark corrected him.

"Oh, geez... this is awkard," Wade said. "You thought I meant everyone on the plane was invited."

"If you guys are serious, I am _not_ participating," Natasha said. "But I might watch."

Wade and Steve stared at each other for a moment. "I'm actually okay with that." "Yeah, okay," they said simultaneously.

At that moment, Loki managed to pop open his cuffs and rose to his feet behind Wade. He wrapped his arms around the mercenary possessively while he felt the tingle of magic returning to his fingertips.

"Sorry, I'm not interested in sharing," Loki said against Wade's ear, and took great joy in watching the realization cross their faces only an instant before he teleported the two of them out of there.

When they landed, Wade was gaping, speechless for all of two seconds. "Wowww, you kept telling _me_ to be discreet, I can't believe you just outed yourself like that."

"I can't believe you were _flirting_ with them," Loki countered.

"Oh puh- _lease_ like you wouldn't jump Cap's bones if you had the actual chance. I _know_ I'm not the only one who's dreamt about having Captain America between their thighs. That's fap material for a decade right there."

"He isn't my type."

"Big, blonde, and stupid is _exactly_ your type – I speak from experience!" 

Loki grabbed the front of Wade's costume and jerked him forward, kissing him with an almost punishing force to make up for the fact that the mask came between them. "You're not stupid," Loki said, his voice low and fierce. "Not all the time, anyway."

"Depending on the writers, I'm not blonde all the time, either," Wade added, sounding a bit dumbfounded from the kiss.

Loki laughed softly at the mention of Wade's 'writers'. "What do the writers say about me kissing you again?"

Wade actually seemed to think about that for a second.

"Well... considering the fact that we're in a fanfiction right now... I think my chances are very good."

"I think you're right," Loki nodded, and lifted Wade's mask so he could kiss him again, thoroughly this time.

Their lips parted with a wet sound when Loki finally pulled away.

"Gwuh," Wade said, very articulately.

Loki grinned at him. "How about we go home, and uh, find out what the 'rating' is?"

"Oh my god pleaseletitbeasmutficpleasepleaseplease-"


End file.
